Same, But Different
by thatfantasyworldofmine
Summary: The moments after the real Doctor ditches them both at Bad Wolf Bay.


She insists on waiting five and a half hours. She knows it's selfish, almost cruel, seeing as she'd so obviously made her decision when he finally whispered those three words that really _did_ need saying in her ear, and she'd hooked her hands around his new blue lapels and snogged the living daylights out of him.

But she didn't expect him to just… leave. No goodbyes, not even a hug, or a smile. Just…_ "Does it need saying?"_ Then the sounds of the TARDIS, leaving Bad Wolf Bay for the last time. Forever. Leaving her alone, but with him, whom she'd picked. She'd made her choice, but there was one part of her that could never truly give up on the Doctor; the real Doctor, that is.

And so she was making them all wait; herself, her Mum, and… what would she call him? The Doctor? Metacrisis? John Smith? Rose didn't know. From the moment the TARDIS had disappeared for good and she'd dropped the hand of the Doctor's one-hearted double, Rose knew she had to wait. She wouldn't be able to rest easy with herself; otherwise, she would forever be wondering if he had maybe returned, and she hadn't been there.

She strode away, off down the beach, releasing the tears, letting them overflow and cascade down her cheeks, only to have her eyes water even more with the cold, biting wind. She could feel two sets of eyes on her back, but for the moment, she didn't care. Deep down she knew it was selfish, but again, for the moment, Rose didn't care. She'd gone all that way to find him… and he'd left her. Just like that. Not alone, like last time, sure, but still.

Picking a random spot Rose sat on the sand, bringing her knees up to her chest and curling her arms around her legs. Her head drooped onto her knees as she cried, sobbed, for everything she'd hoped she would get back when she found the Doctor again, and everything she had just lost when he left her and that dream behind. There would never be another trip in the TARDIS; never again would she feel that familiar double heartbeat when he hugged her, or when she woke from a nightmare to find herself already snuggled into his side with his arms tucked around her. No, there would be no more of that.

"Doctor, how could you do this?" she whispered brokenly, suddenly wishing with a vengeance that he was back here only so she could punch him on the arm, or maybe get her Mum to give him a good slap. She was better at slapping than Rose. "I found you… I came and I found you… didn't you want me back?" Rose grabbed a handful of sand and threw it angrily, tears blurring her vision but she didn't need to see where it all landed. It was the feeling of throwing it that mattered. Maybe she could pretend she was throwing it at him. "I loved you," she cried, then whispered it softly. _"I love you."_ She leaned over and buried her face in the crook of her elbow, rested upon her knees, fabric muffling the sound of tears, heartbreak and desperate loneliness.

She stayed like this for two of the five and a half hours. After two and a half, her body was so numb from cold that at first she didn't feel the gentle hand on her back, or even notice the presence crouched next to her.

"Rose?" a painfully familiar voice asked, and it gave Rose an ache in her chest to look up with bloodshot and tearstained eyes to meet those of the Metacrisis Doctor. _Her_ Metacrisis Doctor. The one she'd chosen, she reminded herself. It occurred to her that this would be almost as much of a betrayal to him as it was to her; he was, after all, exiled by the Doctor as well - technically, he exiled himself. "Can I…?" he asked hesitantly, gesturing beside her, and she had to swallow before nodding silently. He lowered himself down next to her, close but not touching, just gazing out to sea as she now was. She couldn't very well hide her face again and resume crying, no matter how much she wanted to. It wasn't his fault.

"I'm sorry," she croaked, voice raspy and cracked from the emotions of the day, plus the disuse aside from sobbing it had seen in the past two hours. He turned to look at her curiously, and she winced; he was so like _him_. This would take some getting used to. "I mean, for all this, I'm sorry for wanting to stay, but I jus' can't up an' leave until… I mean, it's a habit now and I… um." Rose clamped her mouth shut and looked back out to sea, mostly not wanting to see his reaction. Because she could picture it already, so clearly in her mind, and she had to remind herself that the person she was picturing, while he shared the same face with the man beside her, he was not.

"Rose, I understand," he said softly; she could barely hear him over the wind. Rose turned to him and he was gazing at her with the most earnest, tender eyes, full of patience, honesty and love. It made her eyes sting and suddenly she was crying _(again)_, hot tears brimming and over spilling her cheeks, and her chest hurt even more at the feeling of his comforting hand that had crept its way back onto her back to rub gently up and down her spine.

"You're so different, but you… you're so the same as well," she managed between hiccups for breath. She didn't even know if she could look at him again, but Rose forced herself to meet his eyes. She was startled to see tears in his too. "Why're you crying?" she blurted out, without a thought except confusion. A sad smile quirked his lips and he ever so gently caressed her face.

"Because you are," he told her, which made Rose's eyes sting and water again. "I mean, if you still want, you're my life now, Rose," the Metacrisis Doctor elaborated. "Essentially, I'm human. I can spend my life with you - I've only got one - and the best part about that would be I can say," he started to smile genuinely, "Rose Tyler,_I love you_. I can say that every day, and you'll know I mean it because I can say it now. I couldn't before, Rose - _he_ couldn't, because he couldn't give you what you deserve… I can. And he knew that."

Rose's mouth hung open slightly, but (for now, at least) she had stopped crying. Her sad, weary, broken-then-cellotaped-back-together heart started to lift at his words, and did she dare to believe that this could happen? Her teeth tugged on her bottom lip, unsure, until he opened his arm, free for her to tuck herself into his side if she wanted to. At last, she nodded and smiled hesitantly, shifting closer to snuggle into his side, resting her head in the crook of his neck that they both already knew she fit perfectly. He kissed the top of her head, a silent thanks, and promise for the future and many more of those to come.

"You're freezing," he murmured into her hair, feeling her body tremble and shiver against the sharp Norwegian wind blowing off the coast. She shrugged and remained silent. "D'you want to stay here?" he questioned. "It's fine if you do," he quickly tacked on the end, not wanting to pressure her into leaving before she was ready. This was Rose Tyler, he loved her, but he also knew she still saw him and the real Doctor as two completely different people. And she was in love with him, the other Doctor. He just looked like him at the moment; he would have to prove to her that he was still (mostly) the same man.

Rose lifted her head to look at him a moment, then nodded her head, turning back to gaze out to sea. Tears still leaked from her eyes every now and again, and the Metacrisis Doctor could feel it with each uneven hitch of breath. He pressed another kiss to her head, lingering a little longer, and squeezed his arm around her shoulders a little tighter.

"That's alright, Rose. That's perfectly alright."


End file.
